Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
