Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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