walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
