...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
