Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
