Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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