I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
