its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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