he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
