i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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