I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
