I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What drink are we having for lunch?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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