just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
