What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
