Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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