This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The feeling are messing with the penis
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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