college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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