he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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