May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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