2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
