I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
