I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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