maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
