we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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