I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
