Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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