I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
