Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
