while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
