my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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