He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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