please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
