she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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