you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
