Cold hands, warm shart.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
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Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
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You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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