She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
