just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
