I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
