i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
