I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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