K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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