I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
