You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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