people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
