He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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