I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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