someone threw a dead crab at me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
