Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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