im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
