I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
