i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
