ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i barfeds in our rink
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
