So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
