I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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