Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
