There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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