i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
