Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You made out with two different species that night
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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