walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
