I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
