A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
