nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
