I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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